1. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.

2. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.

3. A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're not hungry.

4. A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot IT makes.

5. A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.

6. A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.

7. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less complaining.

8. Having a beer can't make you pregnant.

9. A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.

10. You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.

11. A beer won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for beer.

12. If a beer had a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than you.

13. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.

14. A beer doesn't sulk.

15. A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine.

16. A beer won't switch the TV channel.

17. A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.

18. A beer doesn't snore.

19. A beer can't interrupt.

20. A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburetor.

21. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.

22. A beer doesn't belch. Or fart.

23. A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.

24. A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.

25. A good beer is easy to find.

26. A beer can't pout.

27. A beer doesn't have a mother.

28. A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.

29. A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.

30. A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.

31. A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.

32. A beer will be there for anytime of the month.

33. A beer doesn't want children.

34. A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.

35. A beer isn't ready until you're ready.

36. If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.

37. Hangovers go away.

38. A beer tastes good.

39. Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.

40. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.

41. A beer's life does not revolve around the football.

42. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.

43. A beer never needs a shave.

44. You don't have to let a beer win.

45. A beer doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.

46. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to sleep with a beer too.

47. A beer doesn't have morning breath.

48. A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.

49. A beer will never drink the last beer.

50. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.

51. When a beer is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.

52. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.

53. A beer is never temperamental.

54. A beer will never complain about your cooking.

55. A cold beer is a good beer.

56. A beer will never worry about losing its hair.

57. A big, fat beer is nice to have.

58. A beer won't steal the covers.