It was a lovely bright morning and Pooh was stamping through the
forest, although it wasn't really a stamping sort of day, but Pooh was
stamping in the hope that he'd kill some of Rabbits smaller friends
and relations (especially that Alexander Beetle - the smarmy little
twit). Anyway,as he stamped along he sang a little song.
"I'm an axe wielding homicidal maniac
on the escape from the asylum.
If I find that bloody beetle I'll
hack his legs off."
It wasn't a very good song, but then Pooh Bear was a bit of a thick
bastard, come to think of it he was a fat bastard too, and at the
moment he felt it was time for a little something. So Pooh sat down
in a clearing and got his 5kg catering pack of honey out of his
shopping bag.
Some time later he licked the last of the honey off his paws, Pooh
began to feel a little ill.
"Huyablurr!!" he said in an 'I'm puking up' sort of way, and was
violently sick - all over Piglet who had just arrived. Pooh looked
down at the mess with Piglet standing rather forlornly in the middle.
"Funny," said Pooh, "I don't remember eating that."
"It's me." squeaked Piglet in that rather annoying, whining voice of
his.
"Really?" said Pooh, "Is that you Piglet?" he asked. "Little Piglet?"
he said.
"Yes." said Piglet.
Pooh picked Piglet out of the vomit.
"Right then, you little bugger, you still owe me ten quid, so you'd
better go and get it now."
Having said this, Pooh drop kicked Piglet over a nearby bush. Feeling
much better now, Pooh decided to call on Rabbit, who hadn't been
feeling too well recently. When he got to Rabbits house, he poked his
head in and called,
"Rabbit! Are you in there you fat, furry git?"
Piss of!" said Rabbit.
Pleasantries over with, Pooh tried to climb into Rabbit's hole.
"Oh bother!" he said. "Oh shit and bother!" he said. "Rabbit - I'm
bloody well stuck."
"Don't worry" said Rabbit, reaching for his chainsaw, "I'll soon have
you out of there."
But suddenly Rabbit staggered, dropped the chainsaw, and fell quite
dead of myximotosis.
Meanwhile, in a different part of the forest, Kanga and Roo had been
having a violent argument about Roo's father. Roo, in a fit of rage ,
ran crying out of the house, and was promptly hit by a number nine
bus.
Flying high in the sky above, Owl spotted this and swooped down to
tell someone. Unfortunately for him, being short sighted, he didn't
see the electricity pylon until it was too late.
"Splat fizzle pop." said Owl.
Down in the boggy bit of the forest, something stirred.
"Go away, you bouncy bastard!" screamed Eeyore from his machine gun
nest in the thistles, as Trigger bounced towards him.
Hello Eeyore." said Trigger.
"Just piss off!" said Eeyore, "If you come one step closer I'll bloody
well nuke you."
"BOUNCE" said Trigger, landing on a curiously shaped red button.
"Oh shit!" said Eeyore, as the whole forest was instantly vaporised.
Meanwhile, Christopher Robin had just passed his chartered accountancy
exams - what a boring bastard.